Rubbish Christmas Awards

After days of deliberation in closed convocation, white smoke is pouring from the Making It Up chimney, the Awards Committees have taken their final bribes, and I have the honour of announcing the winning entries. First though,

Honourable mentions:

t-bird submitted her other half Duke’s Duff Beer bubble bath and buzzing maze thing. Whilst clearly crap, it cannot be true rubbish as it is Simpsons related. Sorry there t-bird, nice try.

SallyM submitted a ““3 little pigs” cookie jar in the shape of number 3 pigs brick house. With oink sound”. Again, sorry Sally, but some of the committee thought that sounded rather (“Awww”) cute.

Sarah submitted a “stupid No Brainer game”. We particularly like the feature whereby you couldn’t get it back in the box once it had been unwrapped, but having reviewed a Flickrgraph of Joe wearing it (and boy, did he look silly), we came to the conclusion that it probably quite suits Steve, so sorry Sarah, nice try but not this year.

Runners-Up

Lin submitted “‘fun size’ boxes of cornflakes”. Lin, we think it is quite clear your friend thought she was being funny. As such, although it is indeed a chillingly awful gift, it doesn’t quite make the grade. We might even send you some next year. In the meantime, console yourself with our special runners-up award of a Poundland “buy anything” token.

Alison submitted her mum’s creation a purplemilestoobig “shrug kind of thing”. We thought this deserved points because it exemplifies what the true spirit of Christmas rubbish is all about. But heck, Alison, we all have relatives too and you already have a tomato sauce bottle shaped like a tomato so console yourself with your special runners-up award of a Poundland “buy anything” token.

Grand Prize Winner

Jan submitted a jigsaw featuring “twee kitten and baubles”, a gift from an aunt (who else). Whilst you let the awfulness of “twee kitten and baubles” sink in and yes, I am sure at some time all of us have been given, by an aunt, something equally sickmaking, reflect that aunts are possibly the most practiced of rubbish gift givers. You aren’t just born an aunt, well, not usually, auntdom is something acquired by the passage of time, you need patience, and during the long years of waiting in the dark of the night you can scheme revenge on your siblings for that time when they did something mean to you and then, when they spawn, you can visit annual festive horror on their children and grandchildren, unto the third generation. We felt that what truly made this gift stand out from the other excellent entries is that this aunt gave the same jigsaw to the child concerned two years ago. A masterstroke of rubbish giftery.

Jan wins our grand prize of a tomato sauce bottle shaped like a tomato.

Thank you all for your entries.